Friday, March 30, 2007

Time for Nerds

Have you ever wanted to know the time? Now, have you ever wanted to figure out the time? I'm not talking about one of those tricky analog clocks. You know, the kind with the hands. Remembering that 5 is actually 25 may take you a little while to learn when you're six years old. Well, now you relive those magical days of feeling clueless when you look that the clock with this handy device: it's a clock that tells the time using a series of colored lights that change positions to indicate the numbers on display.

I'm sure it only takes the adult human a few years to finally get the hang of using this device. And I'm equally certain that the rewarding value of being able to correctly identify a system of random lights as being time for lunch is tremendous. Of course, to get to that point, you first need to throw away every other time-keeping device in your house so that you can really focus on learning the ins and outs of this machine instead of just chucking it in the trash and looking at your watch, cell phone, computer screen, real clock, sundial, etc...

I think this was designed by someone who used to be a dungeon master. It must provoke the a sense of nerdy superiority in people to be able to tell the time while everyone else is baffled by your pretty lights that is very similar to being the head nerd at a Dungeons & Dragons table and being the only one who knows exactly how many hit points a two-headed dung dragon should have. And if that's what makes you happy, I say it's time to pony up the dough for this reject from "Land of the Lost."

Friday, March 9, 2007

Fish Torture (Reprise)

I know it's a little hard to make out exactly what this is, but if you squint your eyes and lean into your computer monitor, what you will actually see is a tiny submarine and a remote control. Why would you need a tiny submarine, you might be thinking? To put in your fish tank, of course! Naturally, that's what fish have been yearning for all these years. "Well, I guess this bowl is an okay place for me to spend my fifteen minutes of life. The water's clean. There's some flakes floating on the surface that I can eat. It'll do, but I really wish there was a tiny submarine in here that could chase me around."